One Genre to Rule Them All

Blaster Master

Image via Wikipedia

On occasion, I like to think about all the games that are coming out “soon”/already-out-but-I-can’t-afford-to-purchase-myself. Then I make a list, like so: Diablo III, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (hereafter referred to as The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim), Deus Ex: Human Revolution, The Witcher II, Dark Souls, BioShock Infinite (all this time I thought it was Infinit-Y, not Infinit-E). There’s probably more. Who knows? Oh, right, Mass Effect 3.

Then something occurred to me. Let’s place some kind of genre description on these bad boys.

  • Diablo III: Third Person Isometric Action RPG
  • Skyrim: First Person Action RPG
  • Deus Ex: The Newest One: First Person Action RPG/Shooter
  • The Witcher II: First Person Action RPG
  • Dark Souls: Third Person Action RPG
  • BioShock Infinite: First Person Action RPG/Shooter
  • Mass Effect 3: Third Person Action RPG… Shooter

Holy striking similarities, Batman! Blah blah ACTION RPG blah.

Now, instead of reaching the obvious (read: boring) conclusion – that perhaps I enjoy action RPG’s – let’s meander off the beaten, well-paved, four lane superhighway and onto the road less traveled for good reason.

Back when I was a wee barbarian (please, do not think of that kid from the Capital One commercials), we had all sorts of games. I mean, we had side scrolling platformers, like Mario, or Sonic (apparently). And we had side scrolling shooters, like R-Type, or Gradius. And then we had, uh, bottom to top scrolling shooters(?), like that World War II game. No, not Wolfenstein, the other one. And we had some games that had both side scrolling platform action and top down adventure, like Blaster Master!

I mean, I’ve only mentioned like four (or six) games and we have infinite genres. The past is prologue my hairy hide-covered rear end.

But seriously, as much as I personally love to venture off into beautifully rendered 3D worlds vastly superior to both our own and Pandora, I understand that other, less evolved fortunate beings prefer other games, like Cooking Mama, or PaRappa the Rappa (oops, that’s old), or all that goofy tripe on the Kinect (Editor’s Note: I agree with spellcheck [except apparently spellcheck itself is misspelled???]). So why aren’t any of our upcoming AAA titles from one of these equally superior to Blah blah ACTION RPG blah genres?

The world may never know.

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